Guturgu

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English is a funny language - Part 2

As we saw in part 1, English is a crazy language.

  • There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. 
  • English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . 
  • Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. 
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that 
  • Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. 
  • And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? 
  • If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? 
  • One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? 
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? 
  • If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? 
  • If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? 
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.. 
  • In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? 
  • Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? 
  • Have noses that run and feet that smell? 
  • How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? 
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which 
  • your house can burn up as it burns down, 
  • you fill in a form by filling it out and 
  • an alarm goes off by going on. 
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. 

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?  Do you agree that English is a Funny Language...

Stay tuned for the last and final part of this series and please share....

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Filed under  //   Cool Stuff   Funny   Humor   Interesting  
Posted December 15, 2009
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English is a funny language - Part 1

You think English is an easy language.  I say, it is a funny language.
Remember that "Namak Halal" dialogue where Amitabh says, "English is a very funny language where Baron becomes Bhairon and Bhairon become Baron...etc etc.."
Now you can see it yourself.  I have split this post in parts.  This is Part 1 of that series.  Enjoy...

CLEVER USES OF WORDS:
  • The bandage was wound around the wound. 
  • The farm was used to produce produce. 
  • The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  • He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  • The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  • Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 
  • A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
  • When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  • I did not object to the object. 
  • The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 
  • There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  • They were too close to the door to close it. 
  • The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  • The farmer taught his sow to sow.
  • The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 
  • Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  • I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 
  • How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? 
Hope you like these clever uses of words in English.  Stay tuned for more in the following posts...

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Filed under  //   Cool Stuff   Funny   Humor   Interesting  
Posted December 14, 2009
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Immigrant Parents - Best of Russel Peters

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Posted November 3, 2009
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Hilarious : MAKE-UP ARTIST JOB INTERVIEW AT FUNERAL HOME

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OMG, this one is hilarious.  Check out the reaction of applicants at a funeral house for the Make-up Artist job interview.
(Most of you won't understand the language of this video, and I think you don't even need to.)
Just watch and LAUGH OUT LOUD.

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Filed under  //   Funny   Humor  
Posted October 30, 2009
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Idiotic Stunts Fail : Public Efforts Compilation

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Posted October 28, 2009
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Insemination

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I don't understand, how the advertisement creators get these kind of vague ideas.  Do you know?

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Filed under  //   Adult   Funny   Humor  
Posted October 27, 2009
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Some Funny Videos

 

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Posted October 26, 2009
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Aunt Marry in Enemy Territory

An elementary school teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
The teacher asked, "Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
Johnny replied, "Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Marry."

"She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'till the blade broke, then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Marry when she's been drinking."

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Posted October 23, 2009
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Explaining Condom Packs to kids

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these, Dad?"

To which the man replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package? "

The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."

"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!"

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."

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Posted October 23, 2009
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Best 10 Answering Machine Messages

Answering machine is a must but the painful part is to setup your voice message.  However some people get really creative while doing that too.  Below are some examples:

  1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
  2. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.  My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken.  If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.
  3. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call.
  4. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.  Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
  5. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money.  If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money.  If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.
  6. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
  7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner.
  8. Hi. Now YOU say something.
  9. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.  Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
  10. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slow.  So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back. (You DIRTY mind...;))

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Posted October 22, 2009
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